


my youth is yours

by thearcherballet



Series: Blue Neighborhood [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-06-24
Packaged: 2018-07-15 16:42:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7230463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thearcherballet/pseuds/thearcherballet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Living among the mundane, somehow extraordinary friendships unravel and tangle them up together. Through loyalty, heartbreak, hope, and perhaps a bit more, Zayn and Liam have to prove themselves against the ultimate test: time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i was just trying to be cool

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I've been working on this story for more than a year and I figured I might as well start posting chapters I've been sitting on for months and months. Now, this story is part of a two-part series called "The Blue Neighborhood". The First part is called "my youth is yours" and will be comprised of five chapters. The second one is "i wanna come home to you", chapters tbd. I will be posting trigger warnings as the chapters go along in the notes. I tagged this as underage since for the majority of it they will be under 16-18 years old? Anyways, my thanks to Sasha, as always, who keeps me focused and motivated and to everyone else who unwittingly helped in the development of this secret project.   
> The titles are largely based off songs from Troye Sivan's Blue Neighborhood album, so bless that little gay white boy.  
> Enjoy!

It was a particularly sunny day, the day Zayn met Liam.  

They were 5, or 6, and on their first day of school. He’d been trying not to cry because he missed his mum and had to be a big boy now.  He missed his crayons, and his big, jumbo dinosaur coloring book.  But the teacher said they could draw how they were feeling about their first day, so he moved quietly from his table, with only one green crayon (since the other kids had taken the rest), and sat by the window to try and get the figure of that guitar-shaped cloud to impress his new teacher.

“Why is that cloud green?  Clouds aren’t green.”

Zayn jumped on his spot, scrabbling to hide his paper and shushing the kid standing right behind him.  He didn’t want to get into trouble with his new teacher.

The boy’s eyes widened, and his plump cheeks reddened in apology.  “Can I sit with you?”

Zayn looked around for the teacher, but their attention was elsewhere, so he shrugged and focused back on the guitar cloud floating above the stick figure he’d made of himself.

“I don’t know how to draw,” the kid starts saying as he sits next to Zayn.  “Louis told me he didn’t like my drawing.”

Zayn frowned.  “Let me see.”

The kid hid his drawing behind his back, pouting at him.  “No, Louis said it looked like a pile of dog doo-doo.”

“I wanna see the dog doo-doo then!”

The boy sighed, keeping the pout in place, and gave him his paper. He grabbed his knees and hid his face behind them.

Zayn giggled.  It did look like dog doo-doo.  He took his crayon and drew on the boy’s paper, when he finished he handed it back. 

“There, now you have the sickest dog doo-doo ever.”

He took his drawing, glancing at Zayn as he studied it carefully.  Then, he started giggling. “The doo-doo’s got sunglasses on,” he said between giggles, with the biggest grin Zayn had ever seen.

Zayn nodded, smiling back because the boy was nice and found his sunglasses funny, and his smile was as sunny as the sky outside.

“What’s your name?”

“Zayn.”

“Zayn?  That’s a cool name.  I’m just Liam.”

“Leem?”

Liam giggled. “Liiaaam!”

“Leeyum,”  Zayn said but Liam just kept giggling. “Leeyum, you have to sign your paper.”

“Why? I know it’s mine.”

“My mum says that’s what  _ real  _ artists do.  Put their names everywhere so everyone knows their name.”

“Is that what famous people do?”

Zayn nodded at him.  Liam had a thoughtful look on his face.  “What if I write my name with yours?  I didn’t do this alone.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

Zayn then scribbled his name next to Liam’s, under the doo-doo with sunglasses.

“Let me do yours now,” Liam said making grabby-hands for Zayn’s paper.

He huffed indignantly, “But I did it myself!”

“I can doodle something small, you won’t notice it!” Liam insisted.

Zayn stared at him, and his pout just made him hand over his drawing too easily.

Liam placed his blue crayon on his mouth, thinking deeply about what to make for Zayn.  Meanwhile, Zayn looked around and saw the teacher chastising a skinny boy with a mop of brown hair for taking a red crayon and coloring all over a crying curly boy’s paper.  He was gonna guess that was the same Louis that Liam had mentioned.

“Done!”

He scooched over towards Liam to look at the drawing.  Liam had drawn a smaller version of his dog doo-doo, but with what looked like a hat, in a corner.  Zayn looked up at Liam, and he giggled.  “Now we both have cool doo-doos.”

And Zayn, though a bit disappointed because he did spend effort in his doodle, grinned back.

Before turning in his paper, he made a quick addition to his drawing: another boy, with rays of sunshine surrounding his face.  

Zayn got out of his first day of school and it was an especially sunny day.

* * *

 

Zayn would start calling Liam’s smile The Liam-Signal, like Batman.  Whenever Liam smiled, he wanted to be around, wanting to save them for days with troubled skies.  He wished to wrap himself around their warmth during the bitter cold months.  Each of the smiles Liam would gift Zayn, he wanted to collect like the fast food toys that lined up his bookcase, especially if it was his own fault that he would smile.

So he started to bring silly comics to class, for them to pore over during breaks.  They would whisper about them in the dark during nap times, getting constantly shushed by the teachers for their troubles.  This would then have them in fits of giggles, relishing their newfound friendship.

Sometimes Zayn would make drawings at home, he’d bring them to Liam, who in turn would add funny things for his stick figures to say.

He’s not much of a talker at school, preferring to keep to himself most of the time.  The exception was always Liam.  Or so the teacher told his mum when she went to see how he was doing in school so far.  She asked Zayn about Liam.

Zayn told her he hangs with other boys too, when they’re not threatening to take his comics away.

(Liam always defended him)

“Invite the famous Liam over to play with your toys, sunshine,” she told him, ruffling his hair as she moved towards the kitchen. Hopefully she made samosas.

The next day he brought Liam a drawing of a robot taking Batman, Superman flying to the rescue. 

"My mum said to ask your mum if you could come over to play with my toys," he said nonchalantly as Liam added a  _ BOOM!  _ next to a building. Liam grinned and nodded, and that was it.

That Friday, Liam sat next to him during recess and talked to Zayn about an episode of Justice League he'd seen the other night. Zayn absorbed all of it with equal enthusiasm. In the middle of his prattle, Liam jumped, like he does whenever he remembers something else to add. 

"My mum said it was okay for me to go to your house," Liam said enthusiastically, or as enthusiastic as one could be with a mouthful of applesauce. 

And, of course, Zayn smiled back, Liam’s warmth and giddiness contagious.  “Maybe we can play Mario Kart on my Nintendo 64,” Zayn told Liam, and he gasped.

“Can I be Mario?” Liam exclaimed.

“Of course, but I have to be Yoshi. Maybe you can help me pass this really hard stage, it’s called Rainbow Road,” and so Zayn went on to describe the unbeatable race course, as Liam laughed so hard at the image of Donkey Kong falling off a rainbow that applesauce came out of his nose.

Zayn hadn’t even had Liam over at his house and he was already having the best time ever planning things with him.  Buzzing with excitement, he ran over to where his dad was at the entrance of the school, shouting about how Liam was going over to their house, Yaser humming in agreement with everything Zayn shouted about.  “We have to make Leeyum some samosas, he’s never had one, and they’re the best, baba! It’s a  _ tragesty _ !” 

“You mean travesty, beta,” Yaser grinned.

“Yes, a tragesty!  His applesauce went out of his nose because he laughed so hard today, baba, that wouldn’t happen with samosas,” he pointed out as Yaser hoisted him up to buckle him in his seat.

“Then we better make him some nice, warm samosas,” Zayn’s father said with finality, to which Zayn cheered at as Yaser got into the driver’s seat, giddy with the thought of having Liam over at his house soon enough.


	2. we try staying up too late, but we’re both lightweights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiii i'm back and this is a short chapter, sort of inspired by My Girl seeing as i had watched it when i wrote it and i wanted it to feel somehow similar... but here it is! perhaps now you can get the gist of how this first part of the series is going to go, glimpses of ziam's childhood together :))  
> hope you enjoy :)  
> ps: the title of this chapter is from 'for him.' by troye sivan

They were 8 or 9, and Zayn realized that kissing has to mean something, right?  Otherwise, why would his parents do it so often, or the people on TV?

Sitting on the floor of his living room with Liam they’re watching the Power Rangers, loudly discussing which one they’d be as Zayn’s sister, Doniya, watched them.

“l’ll always be the blue one,” Liam said, grinning at the TV. “It’s my favourite colour.”

Zayn grinned back, and pointed out he’d be the Black Power Ranger, because “it’s easier for him to fight at night Leeyum, like Batman.”

“But they almost always fight during the day, so it wouldn’t matter,” Liam reasoned with a smug smile, to which Zayn stuck out his tongue at.

“Ugh, this is boring,” Doniya exclaimed dramatically while throwing herself back on the sofa.  

Zayn frowned at his sister. “You just wanna watch Shah Rukh movies.”

“Yes!” Doniya seemed alert now.  “Let’s watch Shah Rukh, please, I beg of you, brother.”

He stared hard at her.  “You know Liam wouldn’t understand it.”

“We can put the English subs, Zayn, now stop being silly, and let’s watch Shah Rukh,” Doniya said impatiently, to which he groaned and glanced at the amused-looking Liam by his side.

“Do you wanna watch a Bollywood movie, Liam?” Zayn sighed.

Liam shrugged, and grinned into his shoulder, his round cheeks making his eyes wrinkle a little in the corners.  “I’ve never seen one before.  Are they good?” 

Zayn leaned toward him, like he was going to tell him a secret, but this was how they always were, telling each other bits and pieces about themselves, cherishing the small truths they could share. 

So, he shared a sliver of truth about himself, but only to Liam.  Always for Liam.

“They’re really good.  They’re my favorite, after the Power Rangers movie,” Zayn grinned, pressing his tongue against his teeth.

Then, Liam turned towards Doniya and said, “Let’s watch a Bollywood movie!”, and she laughed as she ran to get the overused DVD from her room.

Later, as they watched Shah Rukh deliver his smooth lines, and laughing at the silliness of some of the songs, and after the hero kisses the girl at last, Zayn looked at Liam, and he felt happy.

* * *

 

“Liam, are you awake?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you ever think about kissing?”  

The room was pitch dark, Zayn’s mom sent them to sleep as soon as they took showers and ate dinner, but he hadn’t been able to sleep.  Something about being with his best friend always made him feel more energetic about everything.  And, with the cover of darkness, he felt he could talk about anything and everything with Liam.  

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, isn’t kissing a bit gross?  But a lot of people do it, so there must be something about it that’s like, nice, right?” Zayn nervously chewed on his bottom lip, as he faced Liam’s outline.

There were a few seconds of silence before Liam responds.  “I mean, I guess it’s nice, yeah, but isn’t it a sign of love?  Like, you’re demonstrating you really like someone, I dunno.”

Zayn remembered how his mom kissed his dad, and Doniya kissed her posters of Shah Rukh, and heroes kissed their damsels sometimes too.  

“But I really like you and don’t wanna be kissing you,” Zayn pointed out.

Liam seemed to contemplate this with a sigh.  After a few seconds, Liam shuffled around the bed and turned on the bedside lamp.  “You wanna know what the fuss is all about?” he whispered, actual curiosity dripping into his tone.

Zayn nodded, sitting up to face Liam.

“Maybe we should try and see, y’know? But you have to promise not to tell anyone, or I won’t be your friend anymore,” Liam said seriously.  Zayn didn’t want to lose Liam, he was his favorite person in the whole world.  Who else would he talk about Batman to?

“I swear, I won’t,” he whispered eagerly.

“Okay, so just, close your eyes, I’ll count to three, and just, do it,” Liam instructed, playing with the hem of his own shirt nervously, and Zayn agreed, closing his eyes.

Liam started counting.

“One… Two… Don’t move, remember not to move!” Zayn frowned at his direction, wanting for it to be over and done with already. “Two and a half…” He felt Liam shifting towards him. “Three,” in the blink of an eye, Liam pecked his lips, and the whole ordeal was over, faster than when the Power Rangers connect their ship parts to make a giant robot.

Zayn opened his eyes and Liam was frowning, probably same as he was.  “What did you think?”

“I dunno,” Liam shrugged, “maybe you just have to be in love for it to work.”

“Makes sense,” he sighed.

“Oh well,” Liam said with finality, turning back again to turn off the light.

“‘Night Leeyum,” Zayn said, as he settled back under the covers, holding them up so that Liam could slip in without any trouble.

“‘Night Zayn,” he replied, and they settled back to sleep, their kiss to be forgotten in their dreams of cowboys fighting robots and Shah Rukh Khan saving the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on tumblr @thearcherballet !


	3. past this wave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hii i'm back  
> in this chapter i have to warn you that there's some mild violence, an almost drowning, and i think some homophobia. but there's also zayn taking care of liam, louis speaks for the first time, and zayn thinks of liam in a romantic way for the first time...  
> enjoy!

Zayn didn’t know how to swim.  He was fucking thirteen years old, and he just can’t.  It was a fact of life that if someone were to have offered him right then and there a grand scholarship to swim in Britain’s national team, he would go running the other way.  He respected the water, he could be in the water and sort of float, but drowning was something that always bugged him in the back of his head.  

Not Liam though.  Liam loved the water, and he loved pools.  He’d splash around, an ever-present grin on his face as he’d shove someone that would be standing by the edge of the pool so they’d fall unexpectedly over the deep end.  He was his best mate, but that didn’t guarantee his safety in terms of throwing people into the pool, so he stayed where he was able to enjoy the treacherous chlorine-tasting water, sitting on the edge and swirling it around with his feet.

He should’ve seen it coming, though.  He’d only been out of the pool for a few minutes, getting something to eat before taking refuge in the shallower parts of the swimming pool.  But it’d been too late.  He knew he shouldn’t have put his things near the deep end, but it must have slipped his mind as soon as he got there and Liam swept him away with laughter in his eyes and the promise of a good time at their mate’s house.  

But one push from a random classmate, and he was flailing over the edge, and without any given notice, he was struggling to keep himself afloat, splashing around, and coughing up water. He was hearing laughter coming from kids by the pool from afar, but all he could focus on was the fact that he couldn’t breathe, and he couldn’t touch the bottom of the pool. 

Zayn was gonna die there, in that fucking pool.

He felt a tug, and if that was God, trying to take him away from this earthly plane, He was tugging really hard.

“Dammit, Zayn, stop thrashing around,” He exclaimed, but he heard it so far, so, so far.

Suddenly, he was heaved onto something, and he was no longer swimming, so he chanced open his eyes.  “Is this it God?” he heard himself whimper hoarsely.

“Nah, mate, I think you’re still here in hell,” a familiar voice said, and Zayn turned his head to see a panting, soaking Liam sitting beside him by the edge of the pool, making Zayn groan.  “You kick really hard, mate, which is weird, because you don’t know how to fucking swim,” Liam said accusingly between breaths.

“You shouldn’t be pushing people off the deep end then,  _ mate _ ,” Zayn spat back, voice still gruff from swallowing too much pool water, and he sits up to gather what remained of his dignity.

This time, Liam glared back, “Oi, I didn’t push you off, I know you can’t fucking swim, so why would I do that?”

Zayn scoffed, and got up, gathering his things while ignoring Liam calling his name behind him.  

“Zayn, come on, we can stay here a while longer,” Liam pleaded, catching up to him.

“What do you see in these people anyway?” he blurted out, which made Liam step back, realizing Zayn was angry.  No, Zayn was vibrating with the feeling. He was furious.  And, if he stayed around for one more second he would end up punching someone and he’d much rather it wasn’t Liam.

“Zayn, it wasn’t me,” Liam whispered, holding his hands up, and Zayn looked up, and Liam’s eyes were begging for forgiveness.  Damn those innocent puppy eyes.

“Hey Liam,” one of the rowdy boys from their class yelled from nearby, “your boyfriend got his knickers in a twist or something? It was all a bit of fun, yeah? Why don’t you tell him to stop being a twat, huh?”  

And Zayn sighed, because at least now he knows it couldn’t have been Liam, they must have been copying what Liam had done.

He was still putting his shit in his pack.  He wasn’t going to put up with these guys’ shit.

“Fuck off, David,” Zayn yelled back, still not willing to look at him, he definitely wasn’t worth his anger.

Liam muttered an expletive under his breath beside Zayn, and started handing Zayn his own things, apparently deciding he was leaving too. 

When Zayn finally got everything into his pack and turned to leave with Liam, they were blocked by the bunch of rowdy boys.  

“What, leaving so soon, ready to make out with your boyfriend or summat, Payne?” David sneered, arms crossed and everything like a cliché villain in a movie.

Liam scoffed but Zayn grabbed his arm, no longer willing to hold back and stepping up in front him.  “You think you’re so tough, yeah? Because you shoved the skinny little brown boy that didn’t know how to swim into a swimming pool? You’re full of shit, and everyone knows it.  So stop picking on Liam, whatever we do is none of your business, yeah?”  Zayn stared David down hard, and one of his cronies, Louis, Zayn noticed, tried to pull him away.

“Come on, mate, leave Zayner alone, stop picking fights with him,” Zayn heard Louis whisper at him.

David huffed, rolling his eyes and setting his jaw, which Zayn took as a sign of surrender.  Grabbing Liam’s wrist, Zayn stepped around the boys and started walking again, his breaths coming fast now due to the adrenaline of confrontation.  But, a mutter from David made Liam come to an abrupt halt, and his flaring of nostrils along with the tightening of his fist scared Zayn more than anything that had happened in the last few minutes.

With a violent whirl, Liam stomped over to where David stood, and swung his fist into his nose.  Zayn heard the crunch of bones and ran to get Liam off the boy.

“When are you gonna learn to shut the fuck up, prick?” Liam spat at David, but the commotion had alarmed enough people for some of their classmates’ parents to step in.  

Zayn grabbed Liam’s hand and whispered furiously, “Liam, come on, we gotta go  _ now, _ mate.”

This made Liam finally look at him, and he nodded.  Zayn squeezed Liam’s hand and directed him away from the agitated crowd.  He kept walking though, and Liam wasn’t saying a thing, he just accepted his fate as long as he held on to Zayn.

And Zayn walked and walked, past houses with small gardens, garden gnomes out front, red doors, horrible purple paint jobs, vintage cars by the sidewalks. He just walked. It wasn’t until he got to his front door that he even realized he had been heading towards it the entire time.  

Opening the front door, he headed straight to his room, slamming his door and dropping his bag by the bed.

He led Liam to sit on his bed and Liam followed his order, his head down so his fringe covered his eyes, a dejected boy that Zayn didn’t like witnessing.  Zayn knelt down in front of him.  “Hey,” he said softly, searching for Liam’s brown eyes.

Liam sniffled, and Zayn noticed wetness trickling down his cheeks.  “I didn’t mean to hurt anyone,” Liam mumbled.

“I know, mate,” Zayn tsked and grabbed Liam’s hands again to get his attention. “But hey, what you did, was so badass. Like proper superhero shit, man,” Zayn said, finally making Liam look up with a small smile on his face, his eyes brimming with unshed tears.

“You think so?” he said and he looked so small, smaller than Zayn had ever seen him.

“Yeah, man, like you Hulked out or something,” Zayn laughed, which made Liam laugh wetly.

“Yeah. Well, now I have a busted fist for it,” Liam said, bringing his right hand to his eye-level. Zayn saw the bruises that were forming on his knuckles already and grimaced to himself.

“I think you broke David’s nose though, so that’s sick,” Zayn grinned immediately, not wanting Liam to see him feel guilty.  Liam rolled his eyes, but Zayn rose from the ground, leaving the room to get Liam some ice for his fist.

He grabbed the shirt he had on and took it off, placing some ice cubes on it and tying it off. He grabbed some soda along the way too.

Zayn jumped though, when he turned around and Liam was waiting right next to him. "Why do you do that, since day one you're always creepin' up on me?" 

Liam shrugged and gave him a grin instead. Zayn gave him the pack of ice and can of soda, which he thanked him for.

"We should bandage that maybe, but I don't know if you broke anything," Zayn said, scratching the back of his head.

"It's all right, I don't mind, and I don't think I broke anything, I would've felt it, I think," Liam reasoned, to which Zayn hummed in agreement.

They were quiet for a few minutes, trying to remember how the hell they got to the point where Liam had to break someone's nose and Zayn nurse him in his home.

"Today's been fucked up," Zayn said breathily, his gaze meeting Liam's. 

And then they were both laughing boisterously in the middle of Zayn's kitchen, the events of that day unraveling a sort of manic happiness from within. 

Zayn wrapped his arm around Liam's shoulders, guiding him to the sofa. "Let's just chill out instead, who needs anyone else, mate."

Liam grinned wider, and all Zayn could think of were David’s words and how if they  _ were _ boyfriends, he wouldn't give a damn, as long as it was Liam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think in the comments and find me on tumblr @thearcherballet!


	4. kiss me on the mouth and set me free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this marks the end of the finished chapters  
> chapter 5 is still in my head and i only have bits of part two written down  
> heads up in this chapter, i wrote most of it while really dissociating in my astro class (as you might notice by the end) and this was the only thing tethering me to the present so thanks anxiety.  
> sooo here goes!  
> ps: the title is from Troye Sivan's Bite

He knew he was a flirt. 

His introversion made people think he was mysterious and broody, when in reality he spent most of his time doodling on the sketch pad Liam gave him for his birthday and obsessing over the next issue of Batman. But somehow that drew people in. 

The fact that he was a brown boy in an incredibly white neighborhood hadn’t escaped him either.

But he let it slide because he needed the distraction. 

Yes, he was only seventeen, but his hormones had been raging as of late, and he felt confused most of the time.

Confused because of  _ him _ .

He knew they’d been best mates for as long as he could remember. Everything before Liam didn’t exist, and everything after him seemed to be a bit brighter than it should’ve been.  And lately all he’d wanted to do was overanalyze every little thing Liam said or did to him.  Zayn didn’t know if it was actually torture every time Liam sent him a smile because it made him unable to breathe properly. His palms would sweat and his thoughts came to a stutter, completely unmade whenever Liam was around. 

Still, he'd had to learn to swallow all of it down. The wanting to stroke his lips as Liam parted them with heavy-lidded eyes, the need to press him against the nearest wall and mark his skin with his teeth just to skim over them with his own lips and the tip of his tongue. He wanted everything with Liam.

After Liam's failed attempt at the X-Factor, Zayn had had to endure endless hours of listening to Liam sing his heart out while practicing. He was gutted when he saw him come back from the Judges House looking like a kicked puppy, and Liam listened to Zayn's insistence to try again, and picked himself up. 

Zayn tried to help him, he even started participating in a school musical with Liam just so he would be able to pick up pointers and guide him. 

Liam had such an amazing voice, and he worked so hard. Zayn really wanted him to do well the next time he auditioned. He would be so heartbroken if he had to see Liam crying again.

He knew that Liam feared failure, rejection, and people not acknowledging his existence. He always reminded him. 

"Hey, you know I've got you." 

He would say it to him when they were walking home after practicing, whisper it after Liam went to sleep when he stayed over after a long night of having to keep up with homework, write it all over Liam's notebooks when he wasn't looking, just so he could be rewarded with that small smile of his Liam would try to hide on his shoulder.

Liam was too special for this world and Zayn wanted the whole world to know. 

But he also wanted to keep him all to himself. It had always been Zayn and Liam. They had made friends along the way, but they always ended up falling back to each other, and there was nothing else Zayn loved.

Today though, it was supposed to be Liam’s birthday.  

And no one came.  

No one except Zayn, of course.

Liam, who had the biggest heart of everyone Zayn had ever known, and no one seemed to appreciate. It made Zayn want to fight the entire world because it’s just unfair.

Zayn, with his hands in his pockets, approached the sad-looking Liam hunched over a plate of chocolate cake with his newly straightened hair falling over his eyes, and sat beside him.

“You didn’t have to come, y’know,” Liam mumbled, and Zayn swore he heard a sniffle.

“Birthdays may be overrated, but you’re never going to be,” Zayn shoved him with his elbow with a small smile on his face. Liam just gave him a watery laugh and took another bite of cake. “Can I have a bite then?” Zayn asked cheekily which made Liam roll his eyes.

“You can go get your own cake, you wanker,” Liam pouted. Zayn nudged Liam and got up to get cake.

Sitting back down with his plate from a cake that had already been too small to begin with, Zayn looked around the Payne’s empty residence. Liam’s parents were having an unsubtly hushed conversation near the kitchen, and Liam’s older sisters looked bored out of their minds. The companionable silence Zayn and Liam had grown accustomed to was the only thing hanging between them. 

He’d hoped at least Louis would turn up, seeing as they’d grown closer these days in school, but he was nowhere in sight. He’d have to have some words with him later.

Not even Harry, who never missed a moment to socialize, was there. This was all getting too fucked up.

Sighing, he took Liam’s hand. “Let’s get outta here, yeah?”

Throwing what was left of his food in the bin, they ran out before Karen could ask them where they were going.

Zayn tried to ignore how Liam’s hand felt intertwined with his and decided to blame it on the heat of the summertime.  He decided to act as if he didn’t realize he was still holding Liam’s hand well out of range of his house, knowing Liam would still keep following Zayn.  He especially ignored how tight Liam held on to him, like he feared he’d never see Zayn again.

“At some point, you’ll have to tell me where we’re going,” Liam chirped, his voice giving way to curiosity.

“Shut it, birthday boy,” Zayn playfully interjected, pulling Liam along with him.

They walked for several streets, the streets they so long had memorized together, and Zayn had a brief flash of the same situation but a much angrier and upset self that seemed oddly far away.

Liam apparently was thinking of the same thing as he said, “Remember that pool party I got into a fight?”

“Yeah, I had to drag your lumpy arse back home that day, mate,” Zayn laughed. “Otherwise you would’ve ended up fighting everyone.”

“Would fight anyone for you, Zayn boy,” Liam said offhandedly.  

Zayn was sure his heart could’ve skipped a beat.

“I can handle myself,” Zayn replied.  The streets were getting darker the farther away from the houses they walked. 

“I know, I just like knowing I could do it,” Liam grinned then, and Zayn could’ve seen that from the Moon.  “Seeing as how this path gets dodgier by the second I assume you can handle yourself.”

“We’re almost there, Leeyum,” Zayn huffed.

They were near a tunnel, its abandoned grey walls seemingly warding off anyone due to their dullness, but Zayn stepped around it and took Liam through the bushes near it and veered off the path. 

“This seems proper creepy, mate,” Liam pointed out.  Zayn had thought the same thing when he’d first found it in the daylight, but at night, it had certain charm.  But then they were standing in front of the ruins of what seemed like an abandoned house. “Whoa, since when’s this been here?” 

Zayn merely grinned and guided him inside the abandoned structure.

“This is my favorite place around, I come here and just like, chill, yeah?” Zayn let go of Liam’s hand for a moment to step over some rubble.

The house had been a cottage of sorts once upon a time, but Zayn had turned it into his own art project, painting all over the walls with spray-paint. Occasionally he brought the sketchbook Liam had given him for his birthday and some pencils and just sat on the floor, getting used to the taste of cigarettes and how the smoke enveloped this habitat he’d made for himself.

“This is sick, mate,” Liam grinned, the crinkle of his eyes making him want to jump around or run half a mile.

“C’mere,” Zayn offered his hand again, already missing the feel of Liam’s soft hand in his.  Liam took it without a second-thought. Still walking around the place, Zayn started, “So I come here, and sometimes I mess around with some paint, and the other day I decided to spray-paint on one of the walls, since mum wouldn’t let me do it in my own room, right?”

Liam nodded, fondly smiling at him as he remembered the countless amounts of times he’d had to sit through arguments between Trisha and Zayn over his “rebellious artistic tendencies”.

“And, like, I decided I could make you something, for your birthday.”  Gesturing towards the wall in front of them, he let go of Liam so he could hand him his iPod in order to shine a light on the wall and properly observe it.

Liam’s jaw dropped comically as he saw himself painted on the wall as Batman.  Zayn had thought it would be funny, but now he was feeling self-conscious. What if Liam hated it? He probably shouldn’t have added the vibrant-coloured letters at the bottom saying their latest mantra.

_ You know I got you. _

“This is-” Liam seemed to be struggling for words, gaping like a fish out of water at the graffitied wall.

“That’s you, yeah,” Zayn rubbed at the nape of his own neck, feeling hotter by the second, and it wasn’t because of the weather.

Liam started laughing in surprise. “This is- this is sick, Zayn, better than anything I’ve seen you make, really!”

“The best for the best, right?” Zayn replied cheekily, though on the inside he was relieved Liam actually liked it.

Liam then enveloped him in his arms, which Zayn happily reciprocated. 

“Thank you Zayn, really,” Liam said against Zayn’s shoulder, then separated himself from Zayn while Zayn clutched the back of his neck, grinning up to him.

“Anything for you, mate,” Zayn let go of Liam at that moment, both of them redirecting their attention back to the wall.

Zayn stood there, soaking in Liam’s presence, his body light with Liam’s change of mood. 

“You know,” Liam’s whispered voice still reverberated throughout the dark of the night. “I was hoping, in some far away fantasy land, that I would’ve ended up with a girlfriend or something for my birthday, maybe just like a snog even, or whatever.”  He was trying not to sound bashful, but Zayn noticed.

“A girlfriend?” Zayn commented with laughter in his voice.  Liam nudged him with a smile. If Zayn were to have directed his light to his face he would’ve noticed Liam’s reddening cheeks.

“Oi, shove it, let me dream,” Liam exclaimed, snaking his arm around Zayn’s shoulder.

Zayn once more attempted to overlook the quickening of his own heartbeat, threatening to spread these feelings of  _ something  _ all over his body.  The sinking pit in that hollow where his ribcages meet wasn’t helping either. From the warmth seeping from Liam’s body to his own skin to the feeling of summer stuck on their arms, it was all enough to give Zayn some trouble breathing. 

_ It’s all in your head, get a hold of yourself. _

Gathering courage where he was sure there wasn’t any left earlier, Zayn wrapped his arms around his best mate, accepting Liam’s side-embrace. He hesitantly kissed him on the cheek, but it was an incredibly sloppy attempt.

“What was that for?” Liam said, his eyes crinkling around the corners, beaming down at Zayn. He didn’t move away.

Zayn just shrugged. “Felt like it.” The dusty floor suddenly felt a bit more interesting, totally not because of what his eyes might’ve betrayed.

Liam’s lips found their way to the top of Zayn’s head and he could feel him burying his grin in his darker hair.

_ (I just want to make you happy, Liam, always.) _

“Okay, but what if I feel like actually kissing you,” Liam commented, throwing uncertainty to the wind, his voice sounding like he was putting it all on the line for him. 

For Zayn.

Again, the  _ something  _ at the pit of Zayn’s stomach threatened to overtake him in a more violent way.

“I wouldn’t say no to your birthday snog wish,” Zayn tried lightheartedly, but it came out all raspy and nervous-like.

Liam then hummed against Zayn’s hairline. The arm that was once around Zayn’s shoulder then was cupping his cheek, his thumb stroking his cheekbone, and Zayn finally looked up at Liam.

Though Liam was looking back at Zayn with kind eyes darting around as if trying to soak up the most of Zayn and that moment as possible, he might as well have been staring at the entire firmament with the way Liam gleamed down at him.

With Zayn’s clammy hands somehow grasping at Liam’s flimsy t-shirt by the hips, and their beat-up Converse shoes’ tips touching, Liam leaned down and, God, the way his lip softly touched his own at first, it was  _ everything _ , not  _ something _ .

Zayn felt himself blush as his front teeth hit Liam’s.  He chuckled nervously into the kiss, yet Liam’s warm breath settled him, whispering a reassurance.  Zayn swallowed the words when Liam pressed his lips more urgently against his.  

Liam gently pushed Zayn, walking backwards towards the mural.  As soon as Zayn’s back hit the wall, Liam leaned further down, pressing sweet kisses along his throat.  Zayn felt breathless, like his lungs inexplicably extracted themselves from his body so that Liam could be his life-force instead.  He wondered if Liam felt the same when Zayn got the courage to sneak his hands under his shirt.

He thought for a second Liam giggled when Zayn skimmed the skin near his navel, so he tried again.  

Instead of a giggle, what he got in return was a buck from Liam’s grinding down against Zayn’s hip.

Liam’s head whipped up, meeting Zayn’s heavy gaze.

His eyes were blown out, his lips a darker tone that Zayn wanted to keep seeing on him.  Zayn pressed a finger against Liam’s birthmark, relishing the silent moment with him.

Liam brought a hand up to cradle Zayn’s chin, his thumb caressing his upper lip, a welcome touch as Zayn stuttered out an overwhelmed breath.

“You’re my best mate, Zayn.” Liam’s eyes were absorbing all of Zayn’s face, drinking in his slow blinks. Zayn couldn’t believe this was real.

“And you're mine, yeah?” he basically gasped out.  Liam gave him that crinkly eyed smile that made Zayn’s thoughts come to an abrupt halt and leaned his forehead against Zayn’s sweaty one.

With closed eyes, they breathed together.  He felt like all this time he hadn’t known what it was like to breathe, yet all was right.  

Zayn was a selfish boy, because all he wanted was more of Liam, all the time.  And now he had him in his grasp and never wanted to let go.

The moment was broken with the sound of Liam’s cellphone ringing.

Liam sighed and took his flip-phone out, never taking his eyes off Zayn. “Yeah, Mum?” 

Zayn propped his head against the wall, frustrated.

“What do you mean一 Who’s they一” Liam grunted at the interruptions on the other side of the phone until he’d had enough. “Fine, we’ll head back,” Liam hung up his mobile with a confused look on his face. “Mum says we gotta go back because some people got there and are asking for me,” Liam sighed and took Zayn’s hands in his.

He almost pouted, but as it was Liam’s birthday, he had to indulge him.  

_ (I just want to make you happy, Liam, always.) _

So Zayn nodded and they began their trek back home.

* * *

“Payno! You absolute ledge, happy birthday!” was the first thing that they heard inside Liam’s house. A flurry of limbs flew towards Liam and tackled him. 

His groans and complaints were cut off by the three boys exclaiming incoherences on top of Liam.

Zayn frowned. “Guys, stop, you’re gonna hurt ‘im.” He started pulling the laughing boys away, finally getting ahold of a very red Liam. “You okay there, babe?”

With smiling eyes, he nodded, sitting up from his place on the floor.

“What’re you guys doing here? I thought you weren’t coming?” Liam said with a mix of confusion and glee on his face.  The three boys that had seized him stood there, shoving each other playfully.

“Came here to see you, obviously, you did invite us, Liam,” Louis replied, fixing his own fringe with a frown. 

“It’s two hours after you were supposed to be here,” Liam crossed his arms, his annoyance more put-on than anything.

“It’s not like we meant to get here this late, Liam,” Harry grumbled while glaring at Louis. “Some cops pulled Louis up, and he didn’t have his license with him.”

Niall murmured something akin to  _ daft twat  _ that gained him an ‘Oi!’ and a slap behind the head from Louis.

“So, to make up for missing the celebrations, we thought a lads night over at the Payno’s might make up for it, right mates?” Louis announced to the two other’s excited nods.

Zayn looked over at Liam, and he could see he was already softening his affronted stance.

“C’mon, we can eat some of that cake and in the mornin’ we can get some cheeky Nando’s,” Louis pushed the envelope with a nudge in Liam’s direction and Harry and Niall nodded with smiles plastered on their faces.

Liam inhaled and shouted for his mum. “The lads’ll be staying here for the night!”

Zayn could hear Karen making excited noises from the living room. “The four of them, sweetie?”

Liam looked at Zayn and he shrugged. “My mum will say yes anyway.” 

There was cheering and pats in the back and Harry climbing Liam like a koala bear and promising not to bother him during the night.

Karen started rushing about, pulling mattresses and blankets and pillows into Liam’s room. 

Liam immediately called bagsy on his own bed, and the rest of the boys didn’t have to say anything to know that Zayn would be sharing with him. Sometimes Zayn was grateful for the little things.

With shoes kicked to a corner of the room, Niall and Louis insisted on bringing Liam’s TV and Xbox to his room so they could play FIFA. Zayn was very content just lying around the bed with his feet propped onto Liam’s lap while doodling random stuff on Harry’s arm when he wasn’t arguing with Niall about the game. When it started getting heated, Karen had to come in and use her stern disapproving mom voice to tell them to quiet down or go to sleep or she'd revoke video game privileges.

Harry, of course, tried to charm her, asking her if she'd done something different to her hair. She ended up blushing and laughing loudly behind the hand covering her mouth, thus diverting any further arguments about noise complaints. 

And yet, as soon as she left, Liam agreed he was getting tired and wanted to sleep. The rest groaned about him being a party pooper and Louis even resorted to booing him which earned him a cheeky kick in the shin from Liam. 

Louis seemed to want to retaliate but Niall swayed him out of it by telling him it was Liam's birthday and we had to do whatever he said. Louis of course called bias and sneaked in a quick slap behind Liam's head, garnering an  _ 'Ouch, that hurt!' _ from him. They stopped when Harry started singing  _ Everybody Hurts  _ much to their dismay. 

Zayn tried to smother him with a pillow until Harry played dead.

That settled them and they were resigned to drift into their temporary beds. Louis managed to get into a lone mattress while Niall and Harry snuggled up under the blankets of their own mattress.

Liam and Zayn stared at each other for a second, Zayn's heart pounding frantically in his chest at the immediacy of his best mate. Whom he'd kissed. Right.

Zayn gave him a small smile and laid down in the bed and when he got the blankets around himself, he patted down Liam's pillow so he'd stop hesitating on his feet.

This made Liam respond with a mirroring grin and jump into bed with Zayn right after turning off the light. 

The stillness of the room and the boys was interrupted by one of the voices laying on the floor.

“D’you ever think about the fact that by the time the Sun runs out of gas to burn, we’d already be no less than specks of dust floating through space?”

Everyone in the room was silent, contemplating.

“That’s a dark note to end this lovely evening with, Harold,” Louis said casually.

Zayn’s heart beat and he swore it was deafening in there.

“D’you think in another universe, we’ll meet again?” Harry piped up again.

“Again, dark,” Louis dryly pointed out.

“Go to sleep, Harold, or I swear to God I will fart on your face and Louis will hold you down so you’ll have to smell it,” Niall huffed and everyone was quiet once more.

Zayn felt Liam’s hand in his. He snuggled up to him, laying his head on Liam’s shoulder. Liam’s lips ghosted over the top of his head.

Zayn didn’t much believe in fate and was much more dubious about the concept of miracles on most days, but that night he was willing to entertain a few thoughts.

Number one, that Harry Styles needed to fucking stop watching depressing documentaries.

Number two, that no matter what, whatever cosmic forces were at work, they would’ve pushed them all to be together. 

And number three, Zayn thought as he drifted off to sleep with the smell that was just utterly Liam invading his brain, that he would have always gravitated towards Liam. If they were all cosmic things, Liam was the Sun, and Zayn was merely a rock, a meteor destined to crash into him. 

These were facts, not things short of miracles. They were as true as the Sun setting in the west, Liam only ever having kissed Zayn, and Batman always having cool gadgets. These were facts. 

So when the Sun runs out of gases to burn in its core, at least he’d be millions of specks of space dust that knew these three truths in their short, relative lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how was their first kiss? ok? eh? let me know in the comments or find me on tumblr @thearcherballet! peace out! <3


End file.
